Pullings slowly opens the door to his cabin, giving a quick nod of greeting to the sentry outside. He closes it softly behind him. West is still there, and turns at the sound.
Pullings does not know what to say. He thinks he should have stayed on deck longer; perhaps he would have thought of something. He knows what he cannot say: he cannot say "affection", because that is not really the truth, and he is always honest; not "protection", because it sounds insulting, and West is a dueling man; and he cannot say "compassion", because that would be confessing everything he felt for Captain Aubrey.
"Mr. West, I..."
He does not hear West get up from the table and come over to him, but he feels the other man's arms go around him hesitantly.
"...love?" The word is half a whisper, not even fully formed on his lips. This is not what he was going to say; he had no intention of saying it like that.
He realizes that he is not the one saying it, that West's mouth is against his and confiding the word to it. He puts one arm around West's shoulders awkwardly.
Pullings has known many officers. When he was a midshipman, his fellows were all his friends, and he was able to overlook their petty tyrannies over the men in their divisions. The others were his superiors and demanded respect and the utmost obedience.
As a lieutenant, he saw, as if for the first time, the way that a spiteful officer could make life miserable for his subordinates. It is easier to judge those below you. He could not like all the other lieutenants he met: midshipmen have a common lot and can always bond over it, but commissioned officers will let ordinary, personal dislike get in the way of friendship.
He has seen how men can be influenced by their superiors, either to grow like them or to become complete opposites. Captain Aubrey, he thinks, formed officers like himself, at least in the aspects of navigation and gunnery.
Now Pullings is a commander, and there is no one on the ship who will judge him.
And the thing that cannot really be taught, and which matters the most, is how to command.
He is suffocating and turns his head away, but West kisses him again, earnestly and deliberately. Suddenly Pullings realizes that West is desperately trying to stop him from speaking. He does not know that Pullings is not going to speak.
Pullings reclaims his own mouth long enough to take in a deep breath and put a finger over his lips; he thinks that any verbal attempt to tell West that he is not going to say anything will fail. West looks at him- he and Pullings are almost of a height- and understands. He lays his head on Pullings's shoulder and lets his captain murmur to him and stroke the back of his neck.
Pullings is not sure whether to be glad that West saved him from having to explain, or troubled that he cannot make the man comprehend what he feels. He wonders if West really knows, if there is an unspoken understanding betwen them.
West stirs, and Pullings remembers that it is the lieutenant's watch now and he must go to supervise the chase. He slips silently away before Pullings can stop him, and goes on deck.
Pullings has work to do, and does not go out until later. By then, the Surprise has almost come up on her prey, a whaler under the American flag. He thinks that the captain of the whaler is either very honest or new to the sea: she is not even under false colors, though the Surprise is flying the ensign. There is the faintest of possibilities that she is a disguised warship- the Surprise herself, under Captain Aubrey, was once turned into a blue barque for a time- but he does not think it likely.
"Beat to quarters!" he orders. He looks quickly around for the gunner. "Master gunner! Put a ball across her bows, if you please."
The hands run to their stations, and the gunner sights along the length of the larboard bow-chaser. Pullings cannot see where the shot goes, but the chase falls off the wind and falters for a minute before hauling her colors down.
Pullings intercepts a sailor. "My compliments to Mr. West, and he is to go across and take possession." The launch is lowered into the water, and West is rowed across. Pullings dismisses the crew and retires to his cabin.
He does not know anything of West's life in the service; only after his court-martial did he join the Surprise. Pullings knows nothing of the ships he was on, or of the captains he served; or if, when he was a midshipman, he idolized his captain as Pullings idolized Captain Aubrey.
